Maybe I've been living in my own world,
maybe I've been in self-denial, being self-delusional

But life isn't cut out to be fun and stuff right?
so I guess my mindset is wrong.

still, hardly anyone helps to make life easier
especially when in need, the circle of friends around you crumble.

Looks Like I'll have to narrow down my friends again and handpick from there who are the real ones I can rely on.
Seems like, hmmm, 2, or 1, or 3, or none.
I don't really know.
But neither do any of you. =)
haha, Friends are meant to make things easier when life gets hard.
not when problems occur and everyone just splits apart.

I'm A Heartbreaker . - Heartbreaker- -Will.I.Am-


P.S Karen you're still fine. =)
Life is still good as long as you live in the right light and the bright side. =)

Giving your word,
being forced into a universe so parallel.
Your equation is more than just a simple surd
You are more than just a cancer that's visceral.
Don't you feel guilt?
The way you bring false hope?
You're holding me like a warrior with his hilt.
When things are already so hard to cope with.

I marked those words, I trusted those messages.
I feel like a turd, falling through the same crevasses
over and over again.
its like how rain beats the ground
how water fills the clouds
how an electrical circuit works - A faulty appliance without an earth wire, and a live wire from which it draws energy from. The faultiness, though, is screwing up the whole circuit, preventing a full circuit, and therefore, a One-Sided job, while one side gives and doesn't receives, the other receives and doesn't seem to ever give back.

It just makes me wonder, am I the Faulty Appliance, or is that you?


Words can kill
Words demoralise
but the thing is, words can do the exact opposite too.

Giving Hope.
But whats with saying and giving a sense of hope when in the end, you aren't gonna even put 1 small speck of effort into things?

NATO - No Action Talk Only.

heh. What Joy this holidays have been... what joy you have brought. hmm.. what joy did you bring. if you sum up all the equations.
A plus-minus equation. hope + hope + hope ... only to end up with ... -(Broken + Broken + Broken) ... all this
= 0

-The Mixed Tape-

As The Deer Panteth For The Water So My Soul Longeth After Thee.
You Alone Are My Strength My Shield, To You Alone May My Spirit Yield.
You Alone Are My Heart's Desire And I Long To Worship You.


I'll Take It Back To The Start.

3 week into the holidays. I haven't seemed to enjoy much.

anyways, I'm really sorry, I've been trying my best, but my mood just dies.
Its amazing how speechless I am when we are conversing,
how topics don't flow into my mind like they used to.
in everybody's conversations with me, everything is happy, exciting, sad and a whole mixture of diverse elements of emotions. But with you, it pretty much starts with an okay mood, then it snowballs down the road to sadness. I wonder why, I can't fork out the answer in my mind. I am really trying, I need to put a stop to this situation quick before I totally lose my sanity.
I'll have to either fix this or run away from this.
Fixing it means that I'll have to fight head-on with this problem. but I am pretty much not allowed to do this?
Running away. I'll have to totally make sure our lives never inter-twine anymore.
or maybe I could just live in the sea of emotions?
this alligator-infested swamp..
right now you probably understand what I am going through, but still not know why and what is causing me to be like this. heh.
well, My Theme Song For Tonight:
- When I'm With You - Faber Drive -

"When I'm With You, I'll Make Every Second Count Cause I Miss You, Whenever You're Not Around."

"Saw you walk in to the room
Thought i'd try to talk to you
am i ever glad you wanted me to "

I'll try. really.

This last night, was the last night, I'll never want to dream again.

Have you ever had such great expectations of something,
when it turns out not as good as you expected,
your whole spirit gets totally crushed?

Have you ever imagined a totally gorgeous scene,
depict the greatness of what you are going to see
and find out that its not that majestic?

Have you ever dreamt a person to do what you dream that person would do
and when you wake up, its just a dream?

Have you ever bought something and pondered over its worth,
feeling totally joyous that you have bought something new and wonderful,
and the next week, it malfunctions?

Dreaming... You feel so great, you enjoy every moment, that's what dreams are for, your utmost desires, your wants, your love.
but after awakening from your dream.
it turns into a total nightmare. everything you had, everything you wanted, all just becomes null and void.

Nightmares... The total opposite of dreaming. Your greatest fears, your most hated people, your Never-want-to-be happenings.
waking up from it, a total relief, its just like living a dream where those monsters aren't real, those people are not anywhere to be seen.


Dreams Beget Nightmares, Nightmares Beget Dreams.

and the nightmare, is the life I live right now.

When I wake up from this life, I'll hope it becomes my Dream come true.
_____________________________________________________________________________________


Sis you'll be back in a few hours time. heh =)
I'ld love to share with you these few days you went missing in my life.
and I hope you'ld share with me your happenings.


P.S thanks bestfriend for the amazing cookies.

well, this whole week, I've been escaping by going to 79 every single day possible, and try to either play/study and definitely talk my life away.
You Dont Know How Much This Causes
He Causes Everything I've Worked For To Flip Over
Leaving Me In A Tremulous State
It Isnt Fun
But Heh, I'm Getting Over This
These Days,
Will Be The Last Days I'll Ever Suffer
And You Can Get Back To Life Before Shit.
This is my lachrymose post.
but only for me.
Its Only For Me.

As My Life Wrys down the river to emo-ness
I guess I need to get over this fast
You dont know how much joy and sadness you brought into my life
how much influence you've put into me
but heh,
I'm backing out of this.
It is no place
absolutely,
no place for me here.
I'll take my leave now

Dont expect me to turn back and say oh wow,
I didnt mean to say all these.

For: _______________
By: Me

Dont Assume Who It Is For.
I know you will
=)

scums, harridans, you guys are the scorn of my life, the bane of my existance, the freaking knife in my ass.
You only think your comments that you pass
could leave my mind in a mess
well think again
I've passed your test
you can't put me down with your chains
I could beat you down with my chest.
I haven't even tried doing my best.

see that?
Incompetant and dumb you are
I'll step on you like a doormat
roll you over with a car
till you're all flat
and disposed extremely far.

dont try breaking my bonds
cause I'm sure you can't even touch these horns
I am done with you
all the wasted time thinking of solutions to undo
this hurt you've place in both of us
I think I'ld rather roll you over with a bus.






Back off. I mean it. Don't screw around with me and my relationships.